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Attention: Basic Bitches

Posted on 26 October 2015

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We're coming for you.

For those of you that aren't familiar with the term 'basic bitch', here's a little definition provided by Urban Dictionary:

Basic Bitch [or simply Basic]:

  • A bitch with a pH value greater than 7.
Still not convinced about the definition? Here's a quick scenario:

 

It's Friday afternoon when Brittney looks at the time and realizes she is going to be late for her photoshoot. She runs upstairs and as she looks through her closet, she begins to scrummage through her wardrobe. She grabs a pink sweater then mutters 'Ughhh' as she tosses it to the side. She then grabs her neon green sweatpants and squirms as she tosses it into the back of her closet. One after another, she continues to empty her closet as she thinks 'This photoshoot is a huge opportunity, I need to make sure I look hot as f*ck'. 

 As she begins to run out of ideas, she decides to go on her instagram to get some ideas from her previous outfits. She logs in, and in her description reads

Los Angeles Livin'

Just tryna make it 

Full Time Model/Actress

Marilyn Monroe <3

 Picture after picture, she scrolls down her feed with a smile on her face. BAM! She spots the perfect outfit. Tight black yoga pants to make her ass stand out, a red crop top that screams "BAE" in white letters, a pair of chucks, and her Louis Vuitton bag that was given to her as a gift by her ex. A few hours and three bathroom selfies later, she cruises out of the bathroom with a little oomph in her walk.

 Brittney walks to her black bmw with her windows tinted so dark that she had to take one last selfie through her reflection before she sets off. Screeching out of her apartment complex parking lot, she blasts some house music. Head thrusting, fists pumping, snapchats snappin', she feels like she's God's gift to earth.

 "Move the f*ck out of the way" she yells at the elderly woman in front of her. As she cuts her off, she accidentally runs a stop sign. "Shit" she mumbles as she notices she's about to get pulled over. Mid-way through the convo with the officer, she puckers her lips and flutters her eyelashes as she tells him "Can I get a warninggggg, puh-lease. I promise it won't happen again, I was just excited to get to my photoshoot." He hands her the ticket and wishes her good luck.

 She calls her boyfriend, Josh, who is a promoter at a club. Her voice screeches as she describes what a shitty day she's had from not being able to pick out an outfit, to the old hag that was driving too slow, and a ticket to top it all off. He tells her not to worry, babe, we'll celebrate after your shoot. 

 As she hangs up the phone, she pulled into her friends house. A few guys and girls are lingering in the yard drinking some beers and blasting some Drake. She says hi to everyone and heads in to find the photographer. "Brian" she yells, "I'm here!" He takes her out back to get ready for the shots. She takes off her purse and places a napkin on the couch before she sets it on there and smiles, thinking, "Yea, it's a louie". She blurts out "Let's do this!"  Trying to be as seductive as possible, she begins to pose. Lips puckered, hands on hip, eyes half rolled behind her head, she freezes as Brian takes a few snaps with his iphone. Yup, it's an iphone photoshoot.

 This, ladies and gentlemen, is your typical Basic Bitch.

 

Future Professionals Apparel has heard your cries; We've set out to find a cure for all the basic bitches. If you think you've got it, then the new women's long-sleeve is perfect for you.

 

Newly Released women's 'Curing Basic Bitches' available only at www.fpalosangeles.com!​

 

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